Welsh Journals

THE BELOVED JOHN PRICHARD As he went his way through the throngs of the street a bus drew up to the pavement and stopped. He glanced at its shud- dering bulk. Instantly he stopped and turned. Sitting there, on the lower deck next to the window, was she. It was a chance in millions. He felt that draining of the blood, that falling away of the stomach. Ah he said, the beloved He stretched out a hand and then allowed it to drop to his side. People were getting off the bus; others waiting to get aboard. It was most strange to stand there within a few yards of her whilst she sat in her partition, walled off by the glass, looking ahead, unaware of him. She did not turn her head. He stood quite still, watching her as if he were watching a film. What an old-fashioned word, he thought, the beloved." He was saddened by the knowledge that within a few minutes the bus would move on and carry her out of his vision. It would have been easy for him to have boarded the bus and to have sat next to her. He could imagine her surprise and delight at his sudden appearance. A movement on his part would almost certainly attract her attention. But he stood motionless and inexplicably he found his desire that she should see him, at first very violent, becoming weaker and weaker. What a fool I am he thought. Why don't I get on the bus ? She won't see me. The bus will move off in a moment. And he kept staring at the well-loved face. He knew that if she should see him he would be quite unable to restrain himself from boarding the bus. He stood on the kerb in a paralysis of irresolu- tion. Behind him two streams of people hurried past in opposite directions. The precious moments were quickly running away. He thought desperately. What is there to hesitate about ? There was no cause for any indecision. There was only one reasonable thing to do to board the bus and sit with her. But as often as he resolved to move so often did some contrary impulse prevent him. He wavered between the joy of being able to be in her presence within a few seconds and between the strangely pleasurable contemplation of performing an irrational act, pre- judicial to his own interests.